hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
