remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
