Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
