my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
