omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh god it's open bar.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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