She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
