the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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