i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
