he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
