do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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