She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
