HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
