called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize