I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
