Do you still have your period?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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