I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
did i just pee glitter
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
