So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
