Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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