i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
