brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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