So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
