I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize