man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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