i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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