I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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