I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
