smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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