so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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