let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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