i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
