He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
