I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
