I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
