I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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