I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
