it was like eating out sand paper
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
