Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
