Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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