I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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