OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
