soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the day after is always just damage control
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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