Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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