Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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