Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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