"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
