It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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