I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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