I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My life is pants optional.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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