I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
