So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
