I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
