I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
