ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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