im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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