It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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