# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize