no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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