why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
