hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
