do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
