I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
