Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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