Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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