What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
