this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
