The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
