DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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