...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize