Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
