He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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